Who Signed Off On This?

Every morning upon reporting to work in the last 15 months, I’ve walked past this spectacular piece of unintentional comedy:


I like to picture the dialogue that must have gone down at the birth of this magnificent spectacle:

BUILDING OWNER TO INTERIOR DECORATOR: “You know those scenes in movies where the super-impressive-looking office building has clocks in all different times from all around the world? I want that!”

INTERIOR DECORATOR: “Eeeeexcellent idea, sir.” [To Millenial assistant, sotto voce] “Do you know how to do that?”

MILLENIAL ASSISTANT: [Barely pausing to look up from Tinder on her iPad] “Sure, I mean, like, who doesn’t own a watch, right?”

Months later:
POOR GUY WHOSE JOB IT IS TO HANG THE CLOCKS: “Okay, so which times do you want on the clocks?”

MILLENIAL ASSISTANT: “Okay, I’ve thought about this really really really hard: One should be 25 to 1, because those were the best years of my life, and one should be 3 o’clock, because that’s when I get to go home and see my dog – She’s a Shih Tzu crossed with a Lhasa Apso, and such a wonderful soul – and one should be 10 to 8, because that’s the most beautiful time of day.”

PGWJIITHTC: “I’m pretty sure that that’s not how time zones work.”

MILLENIAL ASSISTANT: “Look, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! I make more than you so I’m smarter than you. Also, don’t stifle my creativity, or I’ll accuse you of sexual assault in as many social media channels as I can access.”

PGWJIITHTC: “Fuck my life…”


(Side note: My favourite commentary on this “artwork” had to have been leveraged by friend and co-worker Dr Alan Fish, a brilliant man with a Ph.D. in Artificial Intelligence and a Master’s Degree in Being A Really Smart Person. Dr Fish (Or as I like to call him, The Big A) walked into the building, regarded the clocks for a moment or two in his studied British fashion, and simply said “No.” before continuing with his life)

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